My child “divorced” me …

Ya know, I love my children.  I do all I can for them – help them if they can’t pay a Visa bill right away, be the shoulder to cry on (virtually) when shit hits the fan, make them the beneficiaries of my 401(k) and pension, bring them presents from my travels, and, most importantly, love them.

Well, yesterday my eldest, K, decided she didn’t want my help in the form of health insurance anymore.  She’d gone to urgent care because her “lungs were on fire.”  OK.  She couldn’t find her insurance card, so I took photos of the front and back and sent them to her.  She was examined, given a prescription for Prednisone, and had a chest x-ray and an EKG.  She was thinking she may be allergic to her sister’s cats, but I’m kind of leaning toward she’s smoking too much pot.  But I said to let me know what they find out.

I went out to dinner with an attorney from our Denver office when she texted me again.  “did you see my text about the EKG” …. well, I don’t keep my phone in front of my nose at all possible moments, so I didn’t see anything right away.  OK, she had an EKG.  I said yes that I’d seen it but that I was at happy hour (it was that time of day).  Then I get a snarky “thanks for caring lol have fun at happy hour.”  After that, it was “ok well never mind just take me off your insurance and I’ll figure it out like I’ve had to for everything else in my life.  Hope you feel bad.”

WTF.  I didn’t do anything to deserve that.

OK, so I didn’t make a ginormous deal about her thing at urgent care, no dramatic questioning, no fawning all over her.  Basically, I was “dumped” because I didn’t text her back in a millisecond after hearing she had an EKG.  Were there results?????  I dunno she never said.  Never told me if they came up with any reason that she had “burning lungs.”  There’s only so much I can do from 300 miles away, but even so, I did all I could while out to dinner.  This “child” is 24 years old.  She works part time as a server/bartender.  She doesn’t drive.  She drinks A LOT and smokes A LOT of pot.  She hangs out with a rough crowd and she dates, off and on, a drug dealer.  She lives with her Dad and pays just a minimal rent, but leaves her room such a pigsty that it gave her Dad dry heaves while attempting to clean it.  She’s your buddy if you help her, especially monetarily, but you are on the ultimate shit list if you say “no” or go against something she wants/asks for etc.  She blames me for anything bad that has/is happened/happening in her life.  She’s toxic.

I’m seriously so tired of trying to be a mother to someone who doesn’t want me in their life.  I guess I have to just cut her loose and let her make her own way.  And hope that she changes her tune later on down the line.  I’m out of options.


15 Replies to “My child “divorced” me …”

  1. Hugs! This is the heartbreaking part of parenting, I think–the time when we have to let them go to make their own mistakes. We see the impact with the brick wall coming and know the collision is going to cause permanent damage, and all we can do is be there as support when they face their own consequences. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Honestly, it sounds like her being a pretty normal, if immature, young lady. I have one like that. 🙂 It’ll all blow over. My daughter will be 21 next month, and she still expects me to handle a lot of things in her life that she could easily handle herself- but she also lives on her own, and doesn’t rely on her dad or I for much at all anymore. She just doesn’t have the desire to be a full grown up yet. These girls are awfully dramatic, and they don’t realize how seriously it hurts when they act this way, because it’s just a mini tantrum for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. I don’t have kids so maybe I shouldn’t comment, but that sounds pretty toxic. If she’s a drama queen, perhaps that’s normal and will blow over, but it might be time to let her pay her own way, make her own decisions, and live with the consequences. That might be what will save her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did a part 2 follow up as well … yes, she always puts the blame on someone else, really is a toxic person. Her grandma, my ex’s mom, was a truly hateful person and, on top of that, my ex used to treat her terribly. I’m sure, living with all that, my daughter sucked up all that negativity. I’ve gut her off my insurance and have sent my ex scads of video snippets from Dr. Phil on the subject of rotten adult kids living at home. I hope she finds her way. Thank you so much for your comments and support.

      Liked by 1 person

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