I’ll never learn

I thought that by age 55 I’d have my shit together.  That I could be a card-carrying adult and all that comes with it.  WRONG.

I just can’t leave the booze alone.  I swear it’ll kill me, but I don’t have the power over it for any length of time.

Today I feel like steaming dog shit.  Serves me right.  Martini Madness on a Tuesday for no reason.  What a fucking moron.  Again.

I’m back to reading the blogs of all of you battle-weary warriors, survivors of all things alcohol.  I need new strategies, new ideas, new infusions of hope.  I need to get my fucking head outta my ass.

Do not feel sorry for me.  I’m venting my frustration in myownself.  I want to be SO over my stupidity, my inability to control the addiction.

I just need to figure this out.

17 Replies to “I’ll never learn”

  1. There wasn’t any amount of preaching or proposed ‘self love’ that could have cleaned me up. No shaking me. No tiring of ER visits or embarrassment. The combination of watching my mom suffer through a stroke and having a pretty ridiculous car accident last fall was literally what it required for me to wake up. No matter how hard i am on myself for the time I lost or the mistakes I made…isn’t going to do me any good at all. All I can do is look at it from this side. And try not to fall down again. My point being…it’s an honest to God struggle every day no matter *what* side of that line you’re on.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I wasn’t addicted, but I enjoyed wine most every night. Anyway, I stopped drinking about 18 months ago because I was taking a medication that you couldn’t mix with alcohol. I found it easier to stop than I thought. I began running again after 10 years and doing things to keep myself busy. And though I am now enjoying a glass of wine here and there, I no longer drink out of habit.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Try not to beat yourself up for a slip. I heard an interesting concept last week that has stuck in my mind. It says, ‘Aim for consistency, not perfection’. As long as our general attitude and behaviour is looking in the right direction – not drinking – then the falls along the way can be less damaging. If we consistently get back up and go back to not drinking then that’s consistency that allows for our being all too human. Balls to perfection! I hope you’re feeling much better asap, hangovers suck 😦 Sending you sober hugs and strength x

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your comments. I’m truly finding the blogging community a great tribe of folks ready to lend support when needed. Definitely feelin’ the love today! And yes, I feel pretty darned good today after no martinis last night!

      Liked by 1 person

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