My liver needs a vacay

My poor liver.  She’s a-screamin’ I bet.

Sobriety is the absolute hardest thing for me.  Even when I tell myself that I’m not drinking today, I’ll be damned if that fucking bottle isn’t calling me before I get in the car to come home from work.  I SWEAR I will not buy any wine or vodka, then BAM, there I am, making sure I have bottled olive juice for my martinis.

I’m an addict.  I’m an alcoholic.

I’ve stopped before.  The man I lived with when I first moved down to St. Louis was a horrible alcoholic/prescription drug addict (and a pharmacist!), and I, one evening, just stopped.  Cold.  I broke the habit of walking in from work, making a vodka tonic, then starting supper.  I was sober for 18 months, then went back to an occasional glass of wine.  Until I left him and moved to my folks’ farm.  And 4:30pm happy hour on the farm.  And coming home to my folks having been “happy hour”ing for three hours.  It got ugly, and I hit the bottle again.

I go on and off drinking, but right now, for whatever reason, I’m hitting it pretty good again.  I know work has been very hard lately — one of my bosses got fired, and a lot of things have changed within the company.  Not for the better.  No one is safe from the ax.

So now, I’m seriously contemplating my pre-retirement move to warmer climes … Tampa, Florida, or Savannah, Georgia, or Charleston, SC ….. not sure exactly where, yet, but I still have at least 15 years to work.

I’m at a crossroads and not sure of which way to turn.  A glass with vodka and olives looks better than about anything right now.

I know damned well that excessive drinking is BAD for  you.  Duuuuhhhh!  I’m not stupid!  Just unable to control myself right now.  It’s just sooooo fucking hard not to slip into the old habits when I visit my folks, some of my friends, or other family members.  It seems so much of my life is wrapped up in alcohol.

I need to stop.  Again.  Right now.

… or tomorrow.

5 Replies to “My liver needs a vacay”

  1. You can do anything you want. You have an amazing life. Career change when most people wouldn’t, hobbies, friends, things you enjoy. You can lead whatever life you want to. I read your posts….I see how strong you are. Do whatever it is you need to do!

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  2. It took me finally putting myself (my health, my life, my sobriety) before everything else before I could quit. It seems selfish, but it’s just the opposite. It’s self love, and it benefits everyone around you, I finally realized.
    I have never gone 18 months before. That is amazing! So you know you have it in you. Reading other people’s blog helped me tremendously as well. There are a lot of women out there wondering what the hell happened to that one or two drinks a night habit. It sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?

    Like

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