Yesterday was tough for me. I had drunk-called a gal I used to be super-close with, but had basically ejected from my life after an asinine email she sent me at work. I think I wanted to see if I would be able to still remain distant friends with her after over a year of me feeling hurt and betrayed.
Nope, that ain’t gonna work.
I had nothing to really say to her. I had nothing to really say to her husband either – we are/were friends, too – and the afternoon was spent in awkward silences while they did gardening work and I watched. All that kept running through my head was … is she gonna say anything about my excising her from my life? Will she bring up the issue at all? Why hasn’t her husband said anything to me on the side about what happened? Is he gonna ask me? Do I really care?
I didn’t want to be there.
I have no feelings left for her.
I’ll still see her at races in the future – she running the longer races (1/2 marathons) and me running the 5K’s. But I won’t seek her out for a beer afterwards.
I have to be done, as I cannot tolerate negative people in my life anymore.
My drunk-call was, I guess, a part of my grieving process. I had to test my feelings one more time.