The Daily Post Prompt
Remember when you were about 18 years old, newly graduated from high school, your entire adult life stretching out in front of you? The endless possibilities and, yet, the uncertainty of what you wanted to do/be?
The 50’s are the same.
I feel no differently NOW, after 2 marriages, 2 children, a major career change, and living alone, as I did then. Unmoored. Adrift. Uncertain as to where I should be, WHO I should be, how I want to live out the rest of my life.
Oh, there are definite possibilities.
I have reconnected with my bestest guy friend/friend-with-benefits, who I dearly love and who dearly loves me. He’s single, I’m single; he lives in Minnesota, I live in Missouri (aka, MISSORY – spelling on purpose, btw). The problem I have with Minnesota is the snow. Cold. I’m over Winter. I long to live close enough to a beach that I can walk there. And he won’t leave Minnesota. Geography aside, he’s a serial fucker-arounder. He flatly refuses to ever marry again, which isn’t a deal breaker, but how can I uproot myself knowing that there’s a 98% chance I’ll be cheated on? Yeah, not happening.
I could always stay here in MISSORY. ugh.
The beach calls, but I’m scared. I keep preaching that one has to RISK in order to fully live, but here I sit in MISSORY, anchored to my aging parents, not wanting to leave my sister holding the bag, so to speak. My folks probably have 10 years or less to live. That would mean setting my hopes and dreams on the back burner until I’m retirement age. Staying here in MISSORY until I’m about 65, still needing to work for a living. Can you imagine looking for patent paralegal work in a new city at age 65? That almost sounds like Hell.
I’m scared. Unmoored. Drifting and uncertain. If I were 19 again, that would be one thing. Old Gal Unmoored. THAT would be a great blog title, but not a great life to be living.